I am not as emotionally robust as many others I know, especially when it comes to my own work.
I have researched deeply and I know that disappointment and discouragement are a normal part of any writer’s journey. But knowing something intellectually, and preparing your heart for the attack, are very different ballgames. I can prepare my mind with relative ease, but my heart is a strange mystery to me.
I have studied my heart from every angle, and most of the time I convince myself that I have it well-understood. But then I can look back at patterns of avoidance and discouragement, and I realize my heart has been steering me away from a wound and I was oblivious.
This is where I am now, I have been avoiding writing for about a year now, because I just don’t have the emotional robustness that this path needs…
Does that mean my stories and story-ideas should be abandoned?
Of course not!
But I guess I needed a break.
Perhaps I won’t ever be published, I’ll have to console myself that I had good ideas, but not the right personality type to bounce back well enough to sell them. I’m not a salesman. I’m just me.
Maybe I’ll grow stronger in the future (this is always my hope)…
I haven’t posted for awhile because life happened and it’s taken me awhile to process it. Basically, my husband and I sat down with our family budget and realized that we couldn’t wait any longer for my books, blog, etc. to generate income. So, to do the responsible thing, we would have to sacrifice Homeschooling so that I could go back to work.
I can’t express how much this decision has pained me, but I still have faith that the Lord has a plan for us. Thankfully, my kids have wonderful teachers who care deeply about their education.
This site may end up back on the free WordPress site, but that decision won’t need to come until January. Until I am able to focus on this blog and my books again, you are welcome to follow my activity on Pinterest, where I am still actively pinning.
The Lord has blessed me in such immeasurable ways, that I cannot begin to understand them all, let alone re-pay him.
I am grateful for my husband, he is loving, considerate, passionate, hard-working, he cares deeply about our welfare and gives his all to provide for us. He is also less-than-perfect in all the best ways for me. Working to overcome my pride and take care of his fragile heart, have made me a better wife and woman in general. I love him so completely.
I am grateful for my kids. I am blessed with three amazing children that I get to watch grow and learn every day. I am also blessed with one brilliant, defiant son from my first marriage who challenges me to grow farther and fastest than I ever imagined. I am also blessed with 5 step-children who amaze me with their capacity for respect and forgiveness. These nine beautiful souls have touched my life and my heart and caused it to grow beyond my comprehension. I love them each so dearly.
I am grateful for my rental home. I am blessed with just the right amount of space to teach my kids and let them be safe exploring outside. We have enough room for all our kids to be comfortable at night, even if they all come visit at once. We are in a good neighborhood and enjoy our neighbors.
I am grateful to have two cars again. It is truly wonderful to be able to go to the library and the homeschool coop while my husband is at work, without having to wake everybody up at 6 am to get ready and take him there. I am grateful that these cars are well-maintained and will last us a good long while, barring anything unforeseen.
I am grateful to have reliable internet service and a computer. I am blessed to be able to have the resources to build a business that I can run from within our home. I love being able to care for and teach our children, as well as hopefully have the means to provide the extra income we need to pay down our debt and save for our own home.
I am grateful for cellphones. I am blessed to be able to talk to my husband and other family members regardless of the distance between us.
I am grateful for indoor plumbing and a hot water heater. I am blessed to be able to drink and cook with clean water, and shower in very warm water.
I am grateful for our refrigerator and freezer. I am blessed to be able to store and preserve foods, so that we may eat healthy food.
I am grateful for our furnace and fireplace. I am blessed that my family can be warm at night, even when it’s 5 below.
I am grateful for many other temporal blessings that the Lord has provided my family and I. Perhaps I will continue counting them another day.
For now, Blessings to You, and Thanks for stopping by!
Our personal technology gives us more information and less wisdom. We have endless, instant access to information. But we do not allow ourselves the off-grid time to process that information into anything more than knowledge. Leaving us knowledgeable fools, lacking wisdom and depth.
We are allowing others to think for us, groupthink was the term from 1984, if I remember. When was the last time you used a meme to chose or reinforce your position in an issue. A meme is not wisdom, it is almost a clear opposite to wisdom. Usually memes are emotional sound bites, made to stir up our heart into taking an ideological stance. But our heart was not designed for reasoning!
If we were to debate all the pros and cons of an issue, we would come to a logical conclusion that would be somewhat near the middle ground. But allowing our heart to be swayed by guttural sound bites throws our belief system to the extremes. We have chosen a path without engaging our own reasoning. Instead, we are relying on the fully formed opinions of others. These others clearly do not have our own best interests in mind, after all many of them are proven to come from other countries. They have their own agenda, in which they want your blind support. Why are we letting them think for us?
Part of it is laziness, but only because we are so busy and stressed with our own everyday problems, that we “farm out” the thinking, debating, reasoning, and reflecting of national or global issues to other sources. And though I could go on about how we become too busy and stressed to do our own thinking, I think I’ll save that for another day. (I should mention that both the problems of being too busy, and succumbing to groupthink are among my struggles, which is why I write about them.)
The brunt of it is, I know that each of us are highly intelligent creatures. To be clear, I’m not talking about IQ as it’s measurement of comparison with each other. I am referring to our God-given gifts of thought, logic, and reasoning which were reserved for man alone upon this earth. We need to take back our own individual thought processes. Cease from allowing our beliefs to be based on someone else’s fully formed opinions. And grant ourselves the down, or off-grid, or unplugged time to come to our own conclusions.
And forget not that “if any man lacks wisdom, let him ask God.” James 1:5
Our country is shaken and mourning from yet another mass murder at a school. Yet as we mourn, we are becoming inured to the tragedy of it, and turning more to rallies and politics. We are turning away from our homes and children and churches, and turning up our volume and anger and disgust. In short we are turning away from Christ, which is precisely what will contribute to the problem.
If we truly want the answer to the violence that plagues our children, we have to acknowledge that Man does not possess the answer. Nor can Man create any law that will heal our children’s hearts. We need to accept that in order to heal our children, we need to turn to them, and turn them to Christ.
We need to accept that in order to heal our children, we need to turn to them, and turn them to Christ.
Try this, set aside a few extra minutes with your child tonight (or over the next several nights, depending on how many you care for). As you tuck them in, ask them some of these questions:
How did your day go?
Did you have any trouble with anyone today?
Can you think of a way that you can improve your relationship with them?
Did you notice anyone struggling or lonely today?
Can you think of ways that you could show them Christ-like love tomorrow?
Smile at them.
Sit with them at lunch.
Talk to your friends about being nicer to them.
As you have a conversation about showing Love to others with your kids, you will help them become part of the solution. Remember Christ’s words:
Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. – Matthew 22:39
Man’s Laws have second and third order effects that we cannot fully comprehend, but God’s Laws are perfect. Love each other and we are all healed.